my heart is weary... should i take a rest?

"hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

that was what pastor shared a few weeks ago...
and somehow, while i am trying to focus on the the second part of the promise, i can't shake away the first part...

coz i am feeling very sick...

sick of being the second fiddle..
sick of giving my best, but getting no returns..
sick of not able to contribute my best, while seeing others giving sub standard efforts..
sick of not having to die to my visions, but getting no directions from my leaders..

sick of gettin sick..

who can understand how i feel?
you are either someone who is already up there, "happy" with where you are,
or you have at least someone who you can trust whom will always give you the chances to do more..

me?
doing nothing... and seeing everyone left right and center getting promoted and asked to do more.. do things that i am strong in, do things i am passionate in..

its enough.
its getting me sick.

when will the "longing" be fulfilled?
maybe.. maybe... i will have left this place that i called my family.....

grace for the unworthy

shortly i posted the previous post, someone called to ask for mercy for the people mentioned.

Grace for the unworthy.

the only reason why i would edit my post was due to the friendship and respect toward a leader that many took for granted.

if the people mentioned were to ever read this blog, be thankful for your leader,
who care enough,
who bother enough,
who do more than required,

can you be like her?
follow her, and shine as you should.
justify the level of faith your leader(s) have in you by your actions!

when a leader failed...

when a leader failed, his/her failure will always affect others, even if he/she remain the unchanged.


we don't work alone.
if we can choose to work alone, everything will be done to the best of my "own" abilities, and i don't have to worry about people failing my expectation...


but... we DO NOT work alone.
We work as a team...
and this is where everyone MUST GIVE THEIR BEST!

where everyone must step out of their comfort zone!

where everyone must learn to excel (and not give a sec 1 "standard" kind of preparation)!

where everyone must think of others before self!


If you are in charge of welfare... don't give the bullshit days before the event that you are having exams!
your failure as a leader affect others..
you can go ahead and drop the ball, and others have to pick it up and replan for you,
miss irresponsible who deliver proposals that a sec 1 student will be ashamed off!!!!


If you failed to submit all the admins required of you, don't go around telling people that you are taking higher position!!!
stop telling people that he/she need to be reminded that you are their leader, coz they don't see you as one!
don't be the clown, coz you don't belong to the circus!


I HATE HALF HEARTED TEAM MATES!!!!
HATE IS A NICE WORD!
I CANNOT STAND LEADERS WHO DO NOT GIVE THEIR BEST!


People who volunteer to lead, to take charge must always seek to excel!
Even if you are a volunteer!


In fact, because you are a volunteer, you need to excel even more!


I volunteered in an old folks home when i was in secondary 2.
and part of the job scope is that we plan activities for the old folks.. simple games, drama etc that entertain the folks...

and as a 14 yr old boy, i understood how important that we must always honor our words, and if we volunteer to plan something, no matter how busy we are with our own lives, we MUST DELIVER!!

I was asked to plan something for the folks during a public holiday, but that period fell on my exams.
I could say no, and focus on the exams.
but i choose to accept that responsibilities, becoz i "want to be a blessing" to the folks.

It was tough, but i never thought of giving up halfway and let some other volunteers take over.
even though i was the youngest, and was having exams.

the event came and went passed, and no one really thanks me on that day.
and soon after, i left the old folks home.

months later, i was asked to attend a wake of 1 of the old folks.
almost every old folks who were independent were there, and some of the volunteers.

and 1 old lady said this, which brought tears to my eyes.. (even as i am writing this)
"she always tell us how happy she is when she can join in the activities that you volunteers organised"

and in her diary that the old folks' home found, she wrote on the day of the event i organised, she wrote:
"had a great time today with that young boy."


why am i sharing so much?
becoz some leaders thought they can just drop the ball and let someone else pick up their mess.

you are not fit to lead.
stop kidding yourself and your members.
stop shortchanging your team, section and everyone else.


when a leader fail, everyone is affected
are you that black sheep?

Walking on water?

Communication

when there is a lack of communication,
misunderstandings start to happen.

when misunderstandings become undue mistakes,
undue mistakes turn to frustration.

we are to forgive, and forget.

that is a command, not a suggestion.
to forgive, and to forget is something that we must do, regardless of how i feel.

but to trust you again?
sorry..... but you got to earn it back.

looking back...

was reading the section blog...
and it hit me...

nothing else matter...

nothing matter;
as long as our ushers are happy,
as long as our ushers felt belonged,
as long as our ushers are loved and cared for,
as long as our ushers enjoy serving,

as long as our ushers are growing,
are stepping out,
are leading...

who would have thought that a new generation of leaders with "heart" has transformed a section into a family.
i am so thankful to be surrounded by a world class team of winners.

Kristal,
thanks for making our trial department such a welcoming place for the members.
you didn't just fulfill the job scope.
you redefine it.

you are always so effective in calling all of the trials, and allocating the buddies to them.
and i know for sure, that all the buddies have learn a lot from you...

thanks for taking up the baton and took such good care of team B when Yan left.


Natalie,
you showed the ministry how a young girl with lots of passion can achieve much.
from taking zones, to hotel 1, you never fail to perform.

keep on shining ya?
jus don't be so busy that you forgot EG?
we missed your laughter...

thanks for running the race together...


Enyun,
i guess i will be missing you.. at least for the next few years, until we reunited in CHC stadium...
you are jus so amazing...
balancing everything on your tiny shoulders..

thanks for being the "sister" for the section...


Huifen,
if Kristal redefine trial, you strengthen the training department and make it so easy for us to report to the leaders...

thanks for spending so many hours away from your books to befriend, encourage and mentor our trainees...

the training iC is usually the leader that our new ushers remembered, and go to in times of need..
and you have showed us that you were more than an administrator..
but you were a leader who care..

thanks for being my friend.


Liting,
we seldom talk recently since you are so busy...
but do know that i am so proud to have you as a team mate...

stepping out is never easy, but you remind me that as long as you make the first step (in faith), you will always grow to the extent of your desires..


Mikhail,
be strong, step out of your box, and lead.
don't hold back.
don't despise yourself.
don't limit yourself.

the world look for a leader who make things happen.
why not be that leader to the section?

all you need to do is to STEP UP your game!


Gordon,
you are like timothy to me...
thanks for sharing your lives with me...

the journey for you may be long, but don't give up.
keep walking,
keep doing whatever is entrusted to you.
keep excelling in all that you are held responsible for.
keep pressing in.
keep up.


Chan Lee,
you were more than a team mate.
you were a steadfast brother.

our section blog didn't become such an enriching and motivating platform becoz of the leaders... 4S2 and the ministry own to you to maintain and painfully typed in all the sermon notes during the sermon of the mount....

i am still so touched when leaders and ushers from another section / group mentioned about our blog...


Wanyun..
thanks for being the "nanny" for the past 3 months (at least to the sisters!!!)
haha..

thanks for your countless encouragement..
and your input...


Zhen,
you are the leader who believed in me, (and us), and gave us lots of freedom to lead.

i must admit that i should have gave you many heart attacks by proposing many new ideas to the section..
i hope the fruits that we see today didn't disappointed you...

Win Win

To experience sucess, you must become a master of the "WIN WIN" attitude!

Win Win...
Not Win Lose...
Not Lose Win...
And never Lose Lose..

Someone wrote that having a win win attitude show the level of confidence the leader have.
And somehow... i remember what the Ps said..

Faith meant you are a win win believer..
Faith do not believe in the pie concept.. nor the belief that someone must lose so that you can win...

are you a winner?