choices... again!!

many weeks ago, i felt it may be time for me to go, and join my father in his vision...
but somewhere, in the midst of all that were pulling me...
i stopped thinking of it...

then come the zone meeting.... specially named as "the revival"....
but i couldn't attended, as we were already booked to mc for a wedding...
somehow, i can't get rid of the thought that if i were there, God would have spoken, and moved,
just like how He moved at Sentosa, 6 yrs ago...

then... it all came back to lead me to think.. and to pray...

the final hint come last week...

"Ray, you are a great man..
BUT you can be greater, with US"

i want to come back to join you,
but how?

havent i disqualified myself?
how can i wipe off the black mark off my records?

and can i ever join your wonderful team again?

you talk about fulfilling the talents of everyone within your zone,
and my greatest joy is to be with you,
serving you...

i do not want any titles..
just let me worship together with you,
just let me run this race with you,
with my family....

but how?

the other side will have to be ready for time without me.
maybe they will rejoice.
maybe they wouldnt even notice.
but its ok.

i believed i didn't let God down for the past 3 yrs..
and that is all i need to know....

I dreamed a dream

Susan Boyle on Britains Got Talent 2009!! Incredible Voice!!

a wonderful story..
the perfect example that if we only dare to take the step out to follow our dreams,
nothin can stop us..

cried when i first watch this clip (both on Youtube & Yahoo)..
and in fact, i still have tears when i hear she sing now..

no one gave her any chances...
but she braved on..

people's mocks were only noises to her..
she knew her purpose, her value, her talents,
amd she is not afraid of doing what she enjoyed the most..

when people laugh or doubt her, she laughed at them,
knowing that she will proved them wrong.

she didn't just dreamed a dream.
she lived it.

Susan Boyle.
a dream creator...

below is the lyric:
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high,
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

Then I was young and unafraid
When dreams were made and used,
And wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung,
No wine untasted.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hopes apart
As they turn your dreams to shame.

And still I dream he'll come to me
And we will live our lives together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms
We cannot weather...

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seems
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.

finding some peace within..

after a long day of stress and frustration...
i asked myself...

what's all these for?

feeling frustration at work, becoz of mistakes, and unrealistic demands (by clients)..
for what?
for money?
for personal glory?
for mag spaces?

feeling like a blunt ax in ministry?
for what?
what do i need to prove?
that i am still "in God"?
that i am still someone who can fight the good fight?
that i am still useful to God?

no.

all the stress today nearly robbed me of the miracles that God showed me today through my precious baby gal..

went for the detailed scan at TMC today..
and when we were in the room... everythin is so "big, yet small, at the same time"...

the scans didn't jus show me how well & healthy our baby is...
it show me how great God is.

that our baby's bones structure & organs are growing perfectly, without any human inputs..
that without fail, both mom's and baby's body work together to provide all that both parties need..

that our baby's heart is beating, regularly...

and that is all that i need to remind that God never stop to love us..
with every heart beat, He is always thinking for our good...

i know i can trust my God for the provisions for His visions...
both at work, in ministry, and also at home.

i know that even though i may not be able to see how God will steer the ship,
He will bring me to the destination...

i know i can start to sleep peacefully at night again,
becoz when i let God, He will never fail me.

i know i can always go home without worry,
coz i have 2 wonderful people who will always be cheering me on,
with their most beautiful poses & laughter...

i know, with my family beside me,
each day will be a new, bright day.

the lion is starting to smile again...

how do we value ourselves??

was talking to my work team recently, and something "has been buggin" me since...

we were discussing about the insincere couple that i was ragging about recently when Eddie said this:
"its ok to let them go, and let them signed up with other companies..
let others suffered..
let others do the project at a prices that is neither profit earning, nor reputation building.."

reputation building..

will i want to be known for a designer who offered low prices, for something common?
or should i be recognised as a designer who always offer THE enjoyable design experiences, at a reasonable price range?

where should i position myself in this "cut prices" market?
certainly not at the lower end...
after all, like what John will say.. that's clients' referrals will also be cut price referrals..
"how many cut prices client do you want to serve?"

my answer to that will be to know how to manage the clients' demands..
if the clients from the on start has already indicated pricing to be their main deciding factor, maybe its not even wise to go for a designer home concept...

and thus, my "learning experience number 1":
must learn know to differentiate the cut prices owner,
and the real owners, who want a good mix of design, within a reasonable price...

but that is not the root of the struggles...
i believed at the end of the discussion, God posed this question & revelation to me..

"at a time where things around you may seem bleak, and your clients are going for the lowest prices, how do you value yourself?

will you lower your value to meet their demands?
or will you position yourself as a value giving person?

"how you value yourself will determine the value you give to others."

even though they may be on budget,
do you still give them the experiences of a lifetime?
(positive experiences! of course!!)

or will you be rushing through your proposal,
and asking them to commit, to show their interest?

will you still give them a designer home reality,
even though their budget indicate otherwise?

will you still give them your best?
becoz you are the best?

wow...
in a instant, Jesus brought us back to His way of serving clients..

I believed, in His time..
Jesus the carpenter always gave his best service to His clients,
regardless of their budget.

He will be the best salesMan possible around..
He will always be giving His best proposal for every projects..
He will always be giving His best to ensure the whole projects are carried out smootly, and without the need of corrective works...

He will be the best...
Becoz He is the best...
regardless of the clients' budget...

and that was how Jesus, as the teacher, could be so efficient in His ministry.

He learnt, through his working experiences, that the listeners' facial expression, body languages & even (selfish) demands are not the deciding factors on whether should Jesus served them.

Jesus will serve,
will teach,
will heal,
will even wash the feets of his own disciples,
becoz He is the best person to do so.
Simply becoz He is the only one who can show us how to live.
Simply becoz, He is the only one who can save us.

Is there any wonder that the bible said Jesus has to learnt that He is the Savior.
i believed that Jesus learnt through his time as a carpenter, never let what people said or demand determine our value & destiny in God..

bringing this back to home..
since God has placed me here, i should always give my best to my clients.
tirelessly,
faithfully,
all the time..
regardless of their "unrealistic" budget restrictions..

afterall, i guess what Wincy said is true..
"if they really like the proposal, any sincere owners will find ways to increase the budget"
"beside, when will we ever find a owner who said they have a lot of spare cash to spend?"

but more than work.. i believed that the same is true for all aspects of life...

how do we value our ministry?
is it to serve, just to be noticed, and be given more responsibilities, and with that, status & ranks?

or is to to serve, becoz we are possibly the best people who can make a difference in someone else' lives today?

my prayer will be that i will not serve for the sake of maintaining my "duty log book"..
but each time i served, i will be adding value to people's lives..

coz i am mindful that Jesus's comission to us is not to get the colored tag, but to be a person of influence.
In and Out of church, ministry & marketplace...

back to basic..

a friend reminded me of the basic of why we do the things we do...

Reasons why i love ushering so much.
(despite the earliness, the lateness, the detailed-ness...)

1. Simply, having the joy of serving, in simplest term, just enjoy lo.
2. If u really love something, you’ll go the high ways and by ways to get things done.
3. When i see people happy, enjoying the presence of God, and having a seat, that to me, is more than enough.

There was no place for honor seeking, for positions hagging, for personal glory...

There was only 1 reason..
Child-like joy to be able to serve.

maybe if someone else were to read this, his life would have been so different.
are you getting this?

4th generation leadership, and beyond...

looking around the hall today, i can't help but notice that almost all the set holders are "4th generation" leaders..

and something just set my mind running..


with the first generation at Hollywood,
(where Alex, Lawerence & Peng Boon were the 3 dashing TLs,
and Esther & Beatice were our SLs..)

we were taught one-to-one...
discipleship is a lifestyle, and in a way, almost school like.

maybe in reflection of our young church then,
things were very "legalistic"..
many rules, many tapes to follow, many communication lines to go through...
its amost a taboo to go out with ushers for a meal without approval of our SLs..

will never forget the friendships built over repairing the umbrellas with Sean & Lawrence..

and how can i NOT mentioned the "very fun" time running around around SIS 16 times (within 1 try) with Sean.. haha..
him as 80's runner,
me as Lawrence's runner..

memories were formed with how and who we broke our body with..
esp for all the big days....


Then come the shift to the West, and with that, come the 2nd generation..
You Mei became a leader, and a friend,
and i have the chance to train and encourage the next generation with "much given freedom"..

one of my "proudest moment" was when i throw my "next in line" in the ocean to run the west zone alone, and throughout the service, i sat in my seat, enjoying my cup of starbuck coffee...
all without the knowledge of the "leadership"...
(in today's context, i was happily doing west alpha) haha...

God called one nite, and i gave my heart to follow Him to another "harvest field"..
went into campus ministry, falling on my face on my first session,
join Sir in his team, and in the short 3 yrs, showed how God do not moved through ranks..

I understood that in God, there is only ONE ministry in His context: to reach out, and to be a discipler in all areas of influence that He has given us...

for the first time, i gave bible studies to the ushers that followed me..

soon after, "took" a "CG", that became two..
my reputation of a crazy lion also start to form...

i also became the "crying preacher"
(ask those who know me at JW for details)...
but no... they didn't cry becoz i was whipping them...


Expo welcome the 3rd generation of leaders..
More chiefs were introduced..
and soon, 4 services were started at 2 venues...

most of the old guards became SLs in their own rights..
most of the TLs were "new faces", with whom friendships were forged going through the challenges together...

i joined this generation...
and from this generation, i found mentors, advisors, and my soul mate...


and now, the 4th generation are taking up the baton, running the race for Christ.
who are they?
look around...
or rather, look at the allocations...

young people with a sense of destiny..
with plenty of opportunities waiting for them...

they may not have go through fire yet...
but surely, most will survive... stronger, and bolder..

i smile when i think of what will be possible, for the good of the ministry,
when the 4th generational leaders take full ownership of their roles,
and start to create.


EG is a living example.
Many of the board members are all achieving "histories daily" in their own sections now..
I know that given a next few yrs, if everyone keep walking in the narrow path,
they will be the ones who will bring this ministry to the next level of breakthrough...


time do not wait for anyone.

when i read how God has raised up at least 4 generation over the past 25 yrs of church building in CHC, i can't help but to wonder.. where will i be if i didn't jump in 2000?

but that is just a kiddish thought..
coz i know, deep within me,... if i had not followed Him, and step into the water when He called,
i will not be who I am today...

my only prayer is that with Rayanne, both Rachel & myself will not be deaf to what God is saying to us...

counting my blessings...

somehow, i am prompted to count my blessings..
(maybe.. if something happened to me... there is somethin people can shared at my funeral?)
hahaha..

1. My in-laws..
its not easy living with people that don't share a single common ground with you.
ok.. there is ONE single common topic: the Queen..
but other than that, nothing else clicked.

the food,
the house keeping,
the languages spoken,
the interests
the train of thoughts,
the actions..

maybe others will have a easier time, but with a demanding lion,
things can be very pickly at times..

but i guess we survived?

the trip to Genting was a "all paid for" event..
all thanks to my in-laws, and a certain uncle.
it was something that i didn't expect, and i am certainly thankful for the kindness..

more than a time where Queen and myself can spend quality time with each other,
it also allow us to interact with both in laws..
in fact, it was the first time that i heard her dad said more than 2 sentences...
(in case you wondered, her dad don't said more than 10 words daily when he is in the house)


2. EG
if there is one reason why i am not giving up in this thing people called ministry,
it's becoz of you guys..

you showed me how when people really have passion, nothing is able to stop them.
you showed me how friendships are able to last beyond the distance..
and that friendships are what matters...


3. the history making 4S2 (2008)
Kristal, Gordon, ChangYan, Liting, Huifen..

what else do i need to say?
i am proud to be part of a winning team that show how with willing determination,
nothing can be too hard for us to achieve..


4. Bro Darren
without ur distance discipleship, i guess the lion will have fallen out from this race a long long time ago....

i still spend countless nights thinking and regrettin the "fall out"..
but time don't wait for us,
and all i can do is to hope that people around you will run the race well with you.

it pain me that there are none who is taking care of you,
but who am i to complain?

maybe one day, i will join you again?
i am hoping, but God is not showing...


5. Queen Rachel
you had the hardest time.
i am demanding, crazy, and easily offended...

and even if you are innocent, you are still affected.

i am sorry.

let the Genting trip be a milestone in our relationship ya?

to live to 80 together need a lot of rubbing, and understanding,
and i know none of us will want to give up, right?
*huggz*


6. Princess Rayanne
you are the reason why i smile before i sleep every night.
look forward to catch up with you in 3 wks time..


7. Jesus
if you haven't extended Your hand, and pull me out in 1998,
if you haven't kept holding me throughout the past 11 yrs,
esp through the sand storms in 2004,
i may have a different future?

i may not be here writing this, with a wonderful wife beside me,
and a great future lying ahead of me..

choosing between the steep route, and the gentle path..

while on the way up and down the mountain that people call Genting,
one thing that striked me the most was how the paths upwards were created..

have you ever wonder why roads are not cut in a direct route upwards the mountain top?
instead, what you have are winding paths that go around the mountain...

instead of having steep but short direct roads,
you have long and gentle tracks that seem to go on forever...

and that is what God used to "set me thinking"...

Can a bus full of passengers go up the direct steep path?
even if the passengers are the most willing people, and the driver the most experienced?
even if the bus itself is the best?

gravity would had brought the bus toppling down...
the very weight of the people will pull the bus downwards, even if their dreams & visions are of God..

And if all I can do is to take the lion way,
to get things done, the way that i am "known for"...
achieving the results asap...

will it last?
will it allow others to follow?
will it allow people to duplicate the success?

chances are that people will be crushed by the lion..
rather than given a chance to follow him...

well...
another double edge sword..

the first sword cut deep, and when people forgot, they played with danger.

i am not sure how things will be like for the future..
but if this is what God want me to learn this year..
I am trusting Him... *roar!!*

3 days of bliss...

it was 3 days of sms free, calls free, & even email free..

and it was bliss..

to be able to spend quality time at Genting with Rach,

without all the technology disturbance..

didn't do much at Genting..

we can't go theme park, becoz Rach can't take most of the rides..

we WOULD'NT go casinos, becoz i "hate" gambling..

Rach didn't want to travel to KL, so we were stuck on the mountain top..

so.. what did we do for the past 3 days?

1. Eat (yes.. i got fat again!)

2. Shop (window shopping most of the time)

3. Got our feets bitten by fishes (and i was allocated the bigger fish!!)

4. Watch 2 movies... (Jackie's was a let down)

5. Shoot some guns!!!

The last was my "highlight" for this trip..

After all, the last time i shot something was in army...

ok... its not real guns.. (its a simulator..)

but its still "more shiok" than arcade...

and the thing is...

Rachel joined in!!!!